Personal and Family Life Impacts
EPISODE 26
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WELCOME TO THE TEAM ROOM! ON THIS EPISODE BRIAN, PEACHES AND TRENT SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCES REGARDING FAMILY LIFE IN AFSPECWAR. SPOILER ALERT: IT AIN’T EASY.
INTRO
Intro 00:03
You're listening to the ones ready podcast, a team of Air Force special operators forged in combat with over 70 years of combined operational experience, as well as a decade of selection instructor experience. If you're tired of settling, and you want to do something you truly believe in, you're in the right place. Now here's your favorite CCT personality, JTAC extraordinary, embracer of their ridiculous face, and like the shortest operator you'll ever meet Peaches.
Peaches 00:27
Hey everybody, welcome to the ones ready podcast. We're happy that you guys decided to join us again. Please follow us on Instagram, Facebook, subscribe on Apple podcasts on Buzzsprout YouTube anything that you can find us on. subscribe and please leave us a review. It means a lot to us and it helps all of the search engine stuff and we want to hear what you guys think anyway, so leave review and please comment. Some of our friends that work in the industry Alpha Brew Coffee Company, Eberlestock, and Strike Force Energy, please go to their site support them because they are supporting us. We also have a promo code with them, it is ones ready, and you guys are getting a good discount from those folks. They're going to take care of you because they're helping us out. Today's episode is going to be a slightly different format than what you're probably used to. Obviously, we're missing Aaron right now. But we wanted to talk to you guys about some of the family and personal life impacts that you guys can expect to puncher in this career field. So, we kind of compiled several mini questions that we get, that are just kind of common themes and we want to address those in this kind of form. So, we're going to kind of give our own personal experiences and what we've dealt with and Hopefully, it'll help you guys out. And then there's obviously some other questions that are kind of non standard and you'll get the point. So, I'll go ahead and kick this one off.
Brian 02:12
Yeah, we're definitely going to be talking about the family. If you guys are a person that has a family or thinking about having a family, we get a ton of questions about, like, hey, I've been dating this girl for a long time, or I've been you know, my wife and I are married and she's hesitant about me joining this career field and she wants to know what it's all about. And if we can have a regular life Well, I'm going to I'm going to break it to you right now. It's not going to be a normal life because that's not what we're normal. Yeah, exactly. Normal is Yeah, I guess normal compared to everyone else. Like, all of us right here. It'll be normal. But you know, compared to the dude, that stock shelf at Walmart and goes home, not so much.
FIRST TIME SEEING YOUR FAMILY
Peaches 03:05
What is the first time you get to see your family? After you went to basic? Like you personally what not what the what is the rule now but at what point during your career did you first get to see your family after basic?
Trent 03:18
Alright, so I'm going to start with I hope my parents don't watch this because I don't want to embarrass them. But actually, I thought it was a pretty good thing. My, my father was in the Air Force. And before I shipped out, he kind of looked at me and was like, his, his attitude was its Air Force basic training. If you don't graduate, like Well, you know what I mean? So, I'm at graduation, your parents can't come but my parents did not show up because, you know, it's not like I came from a super-rich family or anything and also, it's Air Force basic training, so it wasn't seen as like some huge, monumental event. So, I didn't see them until about halfway through tech school. I guess when we went on Christmas break or winter break or what Whatever's politically correct these days, and I went home was able to see my family about six months after I joined.
Peaches 04:05
Okay, how about you Brian?
Brian 04:07
My family flew out. Because no one in my family had ever joined the military. Like I said on a couple previous podcasts, like pretty much nobody in my family was military and they didn't know anything about it. They just knew like, oh, you're an airman now Congratulations, we did the whole thing and went down the Riverwalk and walked around with all the other people that had no stripes and they're walking down the Riverwalk with their families and shaved heads and they're always thankful for our service. Yeah, so that was the first time I got to see my media family. I didn't have a wife or anything. At the times, it was just like, hanging out with the family for a couple days. And the next time was on after that was to my guess, I graduated Kirtland on a couple years.
Peaches 05:10
Wow, that's pretty. It's pretty long. For me it was they came to graduation. And then I spent a significant amount of time at INDOC, which then went to winter break. And so, it's like, Alright, well, I'll go back for that too. But I didn't have enough leave saved up. So, I ended up kind of going in the hole but they let me go anyway. Because if not, they were kind of worried that we're going idle hands get in trouble. All the cadre when you go home to if all the students don't leave, and that's just more stuff we have to take care of. So, it's basically it's encouraged during that day you go home, go back to where you came from. Exactly. But I mean, I'll tell you what, dude, I was so young that I was so homesick. I've just, you know, really my first time away from home. I was grew up in a really good household and just man, it was it was rough on me just being that young. And I think that that translates into why a lot of the older guys do well in the pipeline and why a lot of the cross trainees do because they've already, they already have a life at that point. And they're trying to improve and move forward. Whereas I didn't really get that concept as a as a young dude.
Brian 06:28
Yeah, I tell the same thing though. The people that asked like, Am I too old if I'm 29 years old to do the pipeline and stuff. So like, at that point, you're mostly the person that you're going to be for most of your life like, I think, honestly, 25, 26, 27 in that area is where I really started to form the person I stopped like, what why am I going out and doing all this dumb stuff when I could be doing something different or my the rest of my life because I hopefully have another 15 years or so after the my 30s. But anyway, that was a when you kind of develop and you're kind of setting your set your decisions and your situation you're like, Alright, I'm telling my family, I'm going to do this. So now I can't go home and my wife and my kids and say that I failed and that kind of thing. So that kind of kicks in. And then we talked about that in some of the other podcasts. But yeah, I think that's really important whenever you get to that age goes well So since we're talking about family anyway.
Peaches 07:29
For PJ's Brian, specifically, when do like if a guy is married we've got a cross trainee or maybe even a new recruit that happens to be married for a PJ because this is different across you know the three Special Warfare career fields, but as a PJ, when will your wife get the move with you?
Brian 07:49
Right, so you're going to do your basic training thing. You're going to go straight into the development course and then you go to ns after ns is pre dive and Then you go to dive. So, all in all a couple months there, and then you PCs from dive school over to Kirtland Air Force Base. And that's what you actually get to join you and you'll be able to live in on base housing kind of thing. Spouse lives with you, and you get to kind of have a normal life, you'll be training and you'll be like running to school and do all that kind of thing. But at the end of the day, once you're done training, and if you're not TDY, then you'll get to go home and you get to see your wife and she'll get to hang out with you. So that's how it is for the PJ pipeline. I'm not sure about Trent, Jared, what do you guys got on the CCT side of the house or SR.
Trent 08:39
So, I mean, we were talking about this a little bit before the podcast, with the way that the pipeline is working out. It looks like it might be a PCs to Pope to the apprentice course. Which just like the PJ's would be the first time I think that your wife will be able to come out and join you. Because the length of time that our guys are going to spend there, but yeah, I mean, it regarding if it's there or at Hurlburt You know, you're training, you get to come home, your wife or significant other is going to learn all kinds of fun new words. Learn what being smoked means and all kinds of other interesting things that happened to you
Brian 09:12
How to do laundry really well or if you learn how to do laundry yourself really though, mud and fun times going through the pit.
DAYS WE ARE GONE
Trent 09:22
Were you dragged through the mud today, like well, yes, yes, I was. But that Trent that is if this new initiative gets approved, right, right now it's a they meet you at Hurlburt Field during once you arrive at STTS. Yeah, I think typically, that's what most people do. So that's the same for Combat Controller. So, I want to take the next question, because I'm super excited about it because we get a lot. So, I'm going to ask Brian, and it's kind of an open-ended question and I didn't attach time frame to it. How many days are you gone every year?
Brian 10:00
Well, I will tell you, my first two years as a PJ has gone over 300 days, and I was when I was stationed over in England. You know, I was obviously the new guy when I showed up in England. And I didn't want to be that guy that was like, Well, I don't really want to go on this TDY or turn down stuff. I was excited to go on TDYs and I really wanted to do everything that I could. I was like, finally I'm free. I'm operational. I can go do real, you know, big boy things. You know, people were still holding my hand because I was a new guy, but still, I get to go out and do cool stuff. So, I said yes to every TDY and I think I've mentioned it before my first TTY was with Peach over in Vegas, which I didn't really honestly need to go on. They're only like a couple line items that we're going to be signed off on. And on that trip, which is you know, ECAS for me because it was a trip to Nellis to do some bomb dropping basically And I was like, sign me up. We got to, you know, I got to go and do a lot of cool stuff. But I was gone over 300 days, my first year. Obviously, I was in a mostly civilized countries where I can just have my phone, talk to whoever I needed to my family and stuff. So, there's still ways to keep in contact, but you're going to be on the road a lot, especially your first couple years trying to get those upgrades and jobs out so you can get the next level.
Peaches 11:56
Yeah and that was an interesting time, because while we were there or maybe it's a you know, eight years out there it's kind of a blur a little bit but there was a time where we were going to move the squadron to a different location just pick up and move it and it didn't end up happening but they had also turned off moves. So, we weren't getting experienced guys and we weren't getting new guys. And so, people are still leaving though. So, the guys that were already dominant, you know, 250-280 days of the year bump up because those requirements, those requirements still existed they weren't going away. With those limits shrink when you lose people It's weird. Yeah, funny. Funny how that doesn't work.
Brian 12:49
So, I must have gotten there right after you guys turn the faucet back on because there are only three days there whenever I first got there.
Peaches 12:56
Yes. So that's why there were so few. Which why it took so long for upgrade for you know, it takes a long time to upgrade PJs anyway. But that was part of the challenge because at the time if I remember I was the only JTAC Instructor out there. And man, it was he was busy. Yeah, the new guy shows up and like you guys are like we're so happy to see you there like this isn't the reception I was expecting but just please, please help us. We used to go to we used to drive to London to go meet the guys at the airport.
Brian 13:31
That's what I was going to say the commander and everybody met me at the airport and I was like whoa, this is awesome. Everyone's like excited to see me why are you so excited?
Peaches 13:43
Next week have fun but yeah, yeah, exactly. No, I mean I to be honest, though, I'd rather be busy and just kind of sitting on my thumb you know what I mean?
Brian 13:56
Yeah. Oh, those like for you guys as far as time away. For the first couple of years,
Trent 14:04
So, I mean, it's pretty similar the run is those first two years were 300 plus days off station both years. And it was glorious. Yeah. You know, you show up. And it was funny though, because I showed up in my unit. And they were like, hey, and I showed up in March. And they're like, you have a training slot for January to go to STTS/AST. It was it's a long story. I'm not going to get into that. And they're like, nothing. You're not going to do anything. Until then. I was like, cool. Two weeks later, I TDY. And then I ended up deploying before I even went to the STTS but, I mean, it was awesome. But like, it's the same way. Like I didn't even the thought didn't even occur to me to try to say no to TDYs, because it's like, this is why I'm here. This is amazing. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Okay. So, oh, you know, full disclosure. Yes, there are trips that you will have to go on that are not fun and they're not great and you will go like why am I here? Like what are we actually doing? But those are few and far between most of the trips are awesome trips where you're like Dude, I'm bro'ing out and we bring support people with us like shooting schools and driving schools and all that kind of stuff. It's just a blast. Why would you give that up?
Brian 15:22
The only real trips that I can think of that you're that I would think like, why am I here kind of thing was those ones that we were doing like, the ORIs and we're sitting there and not for him, we were just like hating life, like taping off all these little cordons or whatever and looking for you. So that was the only time that I was but we were still in Romania and it was really awesome.
Peaches 15:51
Well, for me, it was. Let's see my first assignment. It was pretty much back to back deployment from Afghanistan to Iraq with some training beforehand, training on the backend, and then I PCS'd right over to anyone and once I was in England, I was pretty steady gone, except for probably last year or two. A good 250 to 300 days out of the year. So got a little sporty occasionally.
Trent 16:26
I think they'd like you know, those first two years I've talked about before is I talk to people when I was training to become a SOWT of the time and then my first few years on Team yet, I didn't, I didn't talk to my family that much. You know, like, I try to get home when I could. But, I mean, yeah, I was busy. And I don't know you kind of just, I lost track a little bit of my family and where they were and everything that was happening, you know, that the greater world it's funny like the NFL all of a sudden, you know, I used to be kind of like an NFL football fan. And during those two years, like I lost track of all of that, you know, and by the time I made back. I was like, well, who won the last two Super Bowls and people giving me the stink eye like how do you not know this? I'm like, I've been busy. You know what I mean? At least for the overseas guys, whenever there would be a trip back to the States, and that guy was training a lot of times just to save money. So, he wasn't buying an overseas ticket, he would he would go on a trip or you know, go on a TDY and then like on the front end or the back end, go visit their family.
MITIGATING BURN OUT
Brian 17:29
Yeah, that's what I would do. And honestly, it's just like you said, Trent, it was kind of all just mixed together from one country to another country. You're like, checking passports at that point, like my passport book was just filling up and we're just traveling all over the place jumping in Normandy, and like, like I said, Romania, Norway, just all over Europe. And it was really awesome as I was 22 at that time, and I was just, you know, wired to go and see the world and just travel and that's it. One of the things that I love the most about England because you're traveling with all of your best friends to different countries, getting into, you know, really awesome situations and really dumb situations. But at the end of the day, you know, you make it out of there and you laugh about it, all the things that you got to do. But it was really awesome to be able to go and just experience all that stuff and get paid, doing all those things. So that was nothing. It was amazing. All right, so speaking about being gone, you know, 200-300 days per year, and I'll get to Jared on this one. Because I know you've had to deal with it a lot. Because you're always gone and you're always doing things you're always, you know, working a jobbing it out because that's our attitude. How do you prevent burnout, you know, between all these different things that you have going on? What are some of the strategies that you have? you'd recommend guys,
Peaches 18:55
I can tell you right now how the how the career field tries to maintain a good operator balance to make sure or at least try and mitigate some of the burnout from the operators is to, you'll do a certain amount of time on team, you know, maybe it's four years, five years. And then you know you within that time you've had several deployments. And then from there, you'll potentially go to an instructor gig, where you're home most of the time, there still could be occasional TDYs, but you're pretty much home and you're going to be there for three to four years, depending on what the location and the job is. And then you can go straight back to a team and you can be on a team knock out some more deployments, or there's also opportunity for schools. There's opportunity to go be part of a staff at a major command. I mean, really, I saw guys and myself also I was like, Hey, man, I've been jobbing I need to just like put me in a position even still within the unit give me six months to just catch up on appointments, my life, my family, like give me a chance to catch out. And then after six months put me right back on team. And we would do that for guys. Other than that, I just made sure that I hit the gym every day that I cared because even now that's the only way that I stay sane.
Trent 20:36
I think especially after you're married, and then after you have kids, you have to as an operator or a team guy, you have to, you really have to look at your family, because it's not really most of our nature to be like, hey, you're burning me out and it's you have to start trying to balance that out yourself a little bit, to a certain extent or you have to watch out for your boys you know and be like You know this dude, how's your family doing? You know, you have to ask your bros about it. Because they might, you know, they might not be thinking about it that much, or they might not even realize, you know, the effects that it's having on their personal life. So yeah, you just you have to watch out for yourself and watch out for your boys and watch out for your family, or your teammates. I shouldn't call them boys anymore. Right? That's, that's bad. But you know what I mean and you know, I think we all fall into that trap every once while I was like, you, you have this like your first love, at least for me, because I didn't get married until you know, my first couple rotations is like, your first love is team life, you know, and you like being gone, and you like being on the job, and you're like doing all these other things. And then try to add, you know, people into that, and you might not know that you're stressing them out, and then they start to stress you out. And before you know it, you're driving on the road and you're feeling a little bit out of control. And you're like I don't...what is this? You know? And sometimes Yeah, that takes you know, you're one of your friends, your teammates to be like, dude, maybe you should think about what's going on and maybe you Take a break and maybe talk to your supervisor about it or who or whoever. Yeah, a lot of times it's not something that you internally volunteer and recognize it takes an outside voice to kind of slap some sense into you.
Brian 22:16
Yeah that's happened to me a lot as I've been going through like not only a pipeline of a PA school, there's a lot of times where I'm just stressed out and then my wife, she's like, are you okay? Like what's going on with you? Why are you just getting upset about all these little things that are going on and it's just like Ah, sorry, I didn't realize it Okay, I got this test I got you know, all this stuff going on. And by just like on team is the same way you should be like, like I was saying you're going TDY back and forth with all these dudes and you're spending more time with them than you are honestly your own family for a while there. So, you know, whenever you show up one day and be see whoever just in the corner not wanting to talk to people or just sipping his coffee, like not wanting to look at anybody. You like, Dude, what's going on? Like, I was like, what's going on? Talk to me. So, yeah, those are huge things. And I used to say the same thing to guys that were in selection. And doctors just look at the guy next to you shows up to work or formation, and he's all messed up and he's not wanting to talk to anybody not eating his food or you know, just, something's a little off. Talk to that dude, because you're going to need it later on whenever they're having a good day and you're not having a good day. So, I think that's one of the big things and as a leader, you should be able to recognize that for sure. You just say, Hey, dude, just let this guy, go take a breather. Just so he can get his mind right. And they'll be over that is he's appreciative for letting that letting them have that time to just bent. Come back to work. All right. Go ahead, take your time. But whenever we come back to work, let me know and we will get ready to rock and roll. All right. So just having that back and forth. relationship and knowing the dude.
TALKING TO FAMILY WHILE DEPLOYED
Peaches 24:02
You got to know when to take dudes off TDYs. Like if you're that true chief for that troop commander, or you're in some kind of leadership role, you've got to be able to recognize that guy and like, you know what, he may not want to talk about help right now or, you know, talk with me and just vent. But maybe this next two-week TDY is not the best for him. So why don't I leave him home and just let them work on himself encouraged him to take leave or whatever it may be?
Trent 24:33
We have a We have a saying in the military, right. Like, it's not just the military member that joins the military. It's the whole family joins the military; I think especially for career fields like this. It's especially true and I'm kind of trying to talk to the people out there that have a spouse that are thinking about joining like you need to have some really open and honest communications and understand what you both are getting yourselves into because it's an it's a two way street. And I think the more communication Have on the front end and expectation management. I think it helps a lot. Otherwise, you know, if you're just like, Hey, I'm going to go join this thing. And they're like, cool, that sounds cool. And you don't go through, like, in reality, what it's going to actually mean. It can make it harder than it has to be. Trent, when you're on that deployment, how often do you get to talk to your family? I mean, it depends on the deployment. I've had, like my first deployment, we didn't have a lot of communications. So, it was kind of hard to get a line out. We're kind of in the middle of nowhere. And, you know, we're still pooping in buckets. So, you know, I talked to my family every once in a while, and then if I had deployments where, you know, had my cell phone and you know, our columns were much better. And I was able to call home once or twice a week or every day if I really needed to, depending on what was happening. And then there's deployments where you're just you can't talk that much or I mean, it's just it's not beneficial to talk that much. Because what do you it's like what are you doing? It's like, nothing. What are you? What are you doing?
Brian 26:13
What did you eat for lunch and dinner? Again, I had a salad with chicken again, I put barbecue sauce on it instead of ketchup this time.
Peaches 26:23
I mean, depending on the location. You're you could potentially have Wi-Fi maybe not. But you'll have some kind of connectivity. And then there's obviously satellite phones and all that kind of stuff. But even then, so say you don't have Wi-Fi and when you're dealing with a satellite phone, you're still probably not calling every day. I mean, that's unless something's going on at home. You know, it's just it's not that it's some pain in the ass. It's just that if you're at a remote FOB and they don't have much of them except for one satellite phone, every dude wants to use that. So, it's not beneficial a call on every single day.
Brian 27:05
Yeah. Now yes, depends on the location though. There are places that I've been that were just like, Alright, you got Wi-Fi pretty much. You walk down the street and there's a little something that has Wi-Fi, you can just send an email text or whatever, like, Hey, I'm good or something.
Peaches 27:26
Yeah. I will say don't do what I did. I went three weeks without calling my wife. And during that time, I had gotten into some stuff and gotten injured. And somebody else told my wife, like, just in passing because she just kind of assumed that, that my wife knew and she didn't. So, I felt that one a little bit. I'm not feeling it out. But it was definitely like, yeah, that was really dumb. Why didn't I just pick up the phone call or so when I got hurt again, it was immediate, like, Hey, what's up? I'm good. You know, that kind of thing? Yeah, hearing the bad news from somebody else when you should hear it from your significant other, generally doesn't go over that well.
Trent 28:31
Yeah, well, and OPSEC is hard, right? Sometimes you want, you know, be like, Hey, I can't talk to you for a while. They're like, how long is a while you're like, I can say, it could be like, you know, I don't know. You know, you don't want to say it because it's, it is what it is.
Brian 28:49
That's the thing that you got to be careful with. You're like, I'm going to call you on this day. And then for some reason, you know, something pops off and you're not able to call them because you're gone or you're doing whatever you out to some other FOB and you just like, crap, now they're going to think that something's wrong. I don't know how I'm going to send a message. They're going to sit down. They're going to be calling everybody.
Peaches 29:09
No news is good news.
AVAILABLE RESOURCES
Trent 29:12
I think to that point, it's important when you first get on team to make friends, like, maybe not friends, but like you need to know your supervisor or some of the more experienced guys on team and maybe meet their family, get your family to meet their family, and so that your significant other just isn't stuck in the dark thinking the worst possible things they can possibly see. Because all they know is Hollywood movies. And if you don't call them, you're definitely never coming home or whatever. And then they can be like, hey, it's cool. This happens all the time. And kind of help them through it. Having that support system and thinking of support. Speaking of support systems, Brian, what resources are available to help mitigate, you know, impacts on the family and personal stress and all those other types of things?
Brian 29:52
Yeah, so, I mean, the biggest thing that we did was the squadron Commander's wife or one of the spouses kind of just always set up a little group and they talk to each other, at least tell each other what's going on when they're coming home, what the situation is on, you know, just the deployment overall, and changes that have happened. And that is comforting. My wife has never been like really relying heavily on whatever is going on. And she's pretty self-sustaining. Although there are times when she wants to get information and just to know, like, Hey, I Oh, no, and I haven't able to contact Brian, you know, what's, what's going on with him. So, she has a third party or that or the shirt. You can always if you're a wife, you can talk to the shirt and they'll help you out and get whatever resolved because there are times when, you know, just stuff happens at the house and they need help or something. And usually it'd be, you know, me doing whatever has to be done. But the squadrons are awesome because they have just people that are willing to help out for a person on deployment because they know that if everything's not good at home with the kids, the wife and everything, then that's on your mind when you're on deployment. And we don't want anybody in a situation where they have to be thinking about other stuff that's back home when they've taken their focus off of what's going on over there in theater. So those are some of the bigger resources that we had at the squadron as well as like resilience training. And I'm sure you guys will get into all the resilience and the little trips that we used to take afterward and stuff like that.
Peaches 31:30
Yeah, and that's such a, an amazing asset and program that we have in place that, you know, Special Operations Command specifically put in place. And I mean, I can't think of any person that within Special Tactics or Special Warfare that hasn't utilized the majority of those functions that they provide, and I know we've gone over it in the past but just to kind of run down and I'm sure I'll forget somebody or a position but the POTFF has got a mixture of psychiatrists, social workers, dietitians, strength coach, physical therapist, a flight doctor, a sports medicine person, am I leaving one out, I'm kind of doing this off the top of my head chaplain as well. And usually there's also an IDMT mixed into that as well to help out with some of the medical scenarios or a PA as well. It's just that the community in general is super supportive. So I mean, it's, it's pretty amazing as far as I can tell, you know, I'm, my wife isn't you know, she doesn't need a lot of help all the time or she has maybe a better understanding than some of the other spouses of what's going on. But there's always people that are available and all your friends and all their spouses and it's, it's comforting when you're heading out the door to know that all those things are available and they don't just care about you, they care about you know, your whole life because they want you to be able to do your job. Yep. Because if you're focused on the home life, you can't focus on the mission.
Brian 33:09
Yeah, the idea is kind of think of the special operations in the Air Force as kind of like an airplane and they have all these maintainers they have all these assets to keep the, you know, get up and running. It's the same thing for the guys that are going out the door to like the controllers, SRP J's and everything. Want to keep you as mentally sharp as possible emotionally, you know, spiritually, all those, all those things as sharp as possible so you can execute the mission without any stoppage just like you're saying. So that's kind of the idea behind the preservation of the force and family initiative, just to take care of the dudes and take care of the families so everyone could run as efficiently as possible.
HAVING KIDS OVERSEAS
Peaches 33:52
Well, I guess this one's probably for me, huh? So yeah, only one that had kids overseas.
Brian 33:57
I just wanted to throw this out there. For anybody. That's going to be, you know, has kids and they're thinking about joining the military, we're talking about living in a different country, you and I were stationed in England. So, you know, not a lot of people don't get to experience that or have their kids experienced that. So, what was it like to have your kids growing up in a different country? I guess you're in a unique situation since your is also British,
Peaches 34:24
I think it was phenomenal just because it the opportunities that it provided, I mean, I was able to take my daughter to Stratford-Upon-Avon where Shakespeare, you know, was born his house where he did all his writings where he'd walked in London and then go in through and take my daughter in or the my family as well because at that time, my son was newborn but, you know, taking him around to all the Tower Bridge, they've been to Parliament, you know, all those different historical things, just making them more cultural you aware than you know what they know, here now in America? That's not the only thing that exists. There's other stuff out there that you can learn from and you can take characteristics from it's just life learning.
Trent 35:16
No, that's when you walk through then you're like, Okay, in 1776 this is what happened. These people were becoming a little oppressive. And so, you know, we had to bow up on them a bit.
Peaches 35:37
But it was to go back to it is phenomenal. Having the kids over there and they have that experience. And now, you know, they see things, or at least my daughter sees things and recognizes names. It's like, Oh, yeah, and we go hey, you've been there. And then we show pictures like, Oh, I started to remember it now. So, it was it was really good. I think the overall experience is pretty good for kids.
Trent 36:21
You know, I like in a right now I get to be like, can pull up the globe and show my kids. You know, where I've been, where mom's been in all these different things. They're like, Oh, what's it like, you know, now I can pull up a YouTube video and be like, Yeah, actually, there's like a movie coming out be like, this is this is CoP Keating and it was a terrible place; you know. But I mean, it's, I think it helps open their eyes to really how big and diverse the world is, and then give them different perspectives.
Brian 36:39
I felt like I was a kid when I was first going out there and Europe and like experiencing different cultures for the first time. And not just reading about it in a book and meeting all these people helped me grow as a person overall. So yeah, I'd love to be able to take my kids over to a different country one day, just show them like, hey, there's not a Chick-fil-a around every corner. You don't get to have that. McDonald's or Happy Meals or whatever, well, maybe you do, I guess McDonald's kind of everywhere now. But you know, just the things that we take for granted as Americans, a lot of other countries don't really get to have. And they have a bunch of other different traditions that are awesome. So, I think it's really cool to be able to share that kind of stuff.
Peaches 37:17
You need it to go to a country that has siestas, and you're like, Alright, cool. Let's go out for something to east and then you're like, wait, dude, it's empty. There's no one around. siesta.
Trent 37:28
We call a nap time. They call siestas. It's whatever it's cool.
Brian 37:31
Yeah, I always get hungry during siesta.
Peaches 37:38
Like, no wonder these Americans are so fat.
Trent 37:40
I think it starts a basic though. I mean, you realize how different people in different parts of America are, you know, and then like Guam and Puerto Rico, and you get all meshed in together. And I don't know I think overall, it's a good experience for family members.
Brian 37:57
To have we had in basic training. We had people that have never tasted a taco. I had never tasted chicken cordon bleu before I went to basic training, just a little bit different, but you know, I'm just saying the culture, the mixing of cultures. Alright, so, last question. Just because I get a lot of people, I'm sure we all get a lot of people that ask the question like, Can I have a family? I don't think this, you know, spec wars for me, because I have a family and I want to go down the family route. So, what would you guys say to those guys that are thinking about joining and have a family and they're just like, I don't think it's for me because I have a family or I want to have a family one day.
REALITY WITH A FAMILY
Peaches 38:42
Okay, so I'll take that one. First. I would say careful, not jumping right into it because you are going to have regrets and I think we're Trent mentioned you have that open, honest conversation and communication because you really do have to be up front and honest. If you hide something like that, like, Hey, I'm going to be deployed this monitor, I'm going to be, you're going to be sleeping alone this much like, that would be messed up to hide that. So as long as you're upfront honest, and you get that support, go for it. Because if not, you're just going to regret it that that is going to stick with you for a very long time.
Trent 39:32
Yes, you know, you know, it's people that are like, we're going to have a kid to save our marriage. You know? Like, that's how I think about it. Like, we say that we, to me, it's all kind of the same thing. We say, hey, the pipeline is hard. The career field is hard. It's hard to do what we do. Mostly what you guys do. I'm pretty easy. But that makes it all worth it, right? And you need to approach everything in life in the same way. I think if you do, open and honest, I'll be honest with you honest with other people and realize that it's going to be difficult, but the payoff for doing difficult things is typically pretty amazing. So, I mean, that's how I approach it, right? You play the long game you say, this is going to be difficult and then, you know, sometimes it's pretty hard. So, it can be hard across the board and then there's always unforeseen things, you're gone. Maybe more than you thought you were going to be. There are always new things that come up like the what's an average day like for you guys? And we're always like, we don't know. You know what I mean? We're gone all the time. things come up. And that's hard. That's hard for you. It's hard for your family, you know, and then you have kids and but from my experience in where I'm at, things are still pretty good. And yeah, you work really hard at it just like anything else. And you know, it is what it is. It's pretty awesome. Yeah, well, you never know when there's something to like kick off whether it's a hurricane rolling through and now you get alerted or there the plane crash you know.
Brian 41:00
Yeah, I want to just throw this out there too for those guys that are like, Well, I have a girlfriend. And she doesn't like the idea of me joining Special Warfare. I just want to put out my own experience. I had a girlfriend before I came in also. And she didn't like the idea of me doing what I wanted to do. So, she's not my, I don't know where she is anymore. Honestly. I said, this is what I want to do in my life. And if the person doesn't want to, you know, support me in what I want to do, it's probably going to be the same for a lot of other things that we encounter in our life. So, you have to like Peach was saying, you have to go for those things that you are really passionate about. And realize when you're 19, 20, 21, like I said, you’re still kind of forming the person that you are and before you have all these experiences around the world and traveling, hanging out with adults, you know, in the military that are strict. They're going to teach you how to do your finances, teach you how to, like be an adult in real life because I didn’t, I wasn't an adult until, like I said, after I probably moved away from England and had my own house. So, it took a long time. I wasn't the same person on the other end that I was before I joined the military. So, like I said, if you have a girlfriend, and you do think that it might be worth it, or might not, but you guys are already disagreeing on this one thing that you really want to do. Don't make yourself regret what you would have been able to do in the future and be you know, 45, 50 years old, unable to join the Air Force and do the thing that you wanted to do. So, I just want to throw that part out there. But for me, I seen a ton of people, you know, include myself in the Air Force, and I've had to deploy multiple times and still have a family. It's all just what you do with the time that you have. Every minute that I'm home, I'm, you know, split between a million different things at any given moment, but anytime that I do something, especially when it's with my kids, my wife, you know, I give it 100% attention and try and let them know, whenever I'm here, like, all of my attention is for you, and I'm going to pay attention because I love you and that kind of stuff. So there's a balance that you have to find between that like, okay, I've been doing whatever this is for a long time, and I need to really focus because I've been not spending time with my kids and I know it and they're acting like, they haven't been spending time with me. And you know when that is, so it's all about just making that balance. It's, it's a, it's a game, you're going to mess up a lot of times, and you're going to have a lot of arguments and you're going to continue to do that no matter how good at balancing you get, it's just going to happen. But those are some of the things that I would recommend for guys. It's not like it's a zero like, you shouldn't do If you want a family, it's just about how mature you want to be in. You know, if you care about more than one thing, then balance those out figure out a way, just like everything else we do. You guys got anything else on that?
Trent 44:13
I'm glad to cover the girlfriend thing. I mean, I used to tell the guys at prep, like, you know, like I wasn't ready to be married until after my first couple rotations. You know, I had my list of things to do. And I don't think I was prepared for how much my first couple deployments changed me and kind of opened my eyes to the world and changed my viewpoints on a lot of things. And yeah, like, 10s attract 10s you know, like you accomplish your goals, and it is what it is and you become the person that you want to be. And then I think it makes things a lot easier. But if you already have that person with you and you already you know, have that that foundation, then they need to be along for the ride support you to become who you want to be, but just make sure that you Your support back. You're reciprocating the right way.
Peaches 45:02
Brian got anything else? I'm going to wrap this up and summarize. Okay, we appreciate you guys joining us some of the things that we covered today was, hey, how much are you actually going to see your family and what are some of the limitations involved with you being on Team, deploying, being an instructor and just know that Special Warfare is going to try and do their best to take care of you and your family. And that's the same with Special Operations Command as well. And your direct supervisor should be looking out for you as well. And at least from my experience, I think every single one of my supervisors have always looked out for me and because they're so experienced, recognized that I needed to take a step back or maybe like, maybe they didn't tell me but hey, we're going to take you off this trip. So, you can go do this or whatever. So, we also talked about when your family is going to be able to move in with you in the pipeline, if you happen to come in with a family or your cross training. See what else we talked about. We talked about the point of life, how often you get to talk to your family during the deployment. We talked about the POTFF initiative, and all the great resources that they provide and how important and integral world they are to the success of our people. And then, we talked about my kids a lot in the UK. And then we talked about, Hey, you got a girlfriend and you guys are disagree and just make the right choice.
Brian 46:44
And the other thing that I forgot to mention on that just as a side note, because there is once you actually become a CCT, PJ, SR or whatever. There's a certain amount of confidence that you gain and when you go out, there are more people that you know you'll have more opportunities than when you before you know you'll be through the hardest one of the hardest pipelines you'll be in amazing shape you'll have confidence and you'll be around a bunch of other people that are like minded.
Peaches 47:18
The number of doors that open up for you because the networking and the people that you get to meet is incredible.
Brian 47:26
So, I just want to throw that out there also because I forgot to mention in the first part, but thanks to each for wrapping it up.
Peaches 47:33
Well again, please subscribe on YouTube. Leave us comments, subscribe on Apple podcast. leave us a review, please. We hope you've enjoyed it and remember to visit our Alpha Brew Coffee Company, Strike Force Energy, and Eberlestock and use the promo code ONESREADY. You guys have a good one.
Trent 47:56
Earn each breath later.
TLDR: The best things in life are not easy. Having a Family is no different. There are some unique challenges and benefits to being on team and having a family. Plan accordingly.
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